Natalia squeezes LVMH: couple alert!

One is a child of communist Russia, and the other a child of ruthless captialism, but this summer its free market love for supermodel Natalia Vodianova and LVMH heir Antoine Arnault.

The two lovebirds couldn’t stop their public displays of affection while vacationing in Ibiza this August.

Natalia, 29, freshly split from Brit real-estate heir husband Justin Portman, didn’t waste any time going after the Arnault heir, who is currently ranked the wealthiest family in France. LVMH also happens to be one of her major employers, as she does campaigns for Louis Vuitton, Guerlain, Givenchy among other labels.

Gunther Sachs dies, Bardot mourns

 

Sad news out this weekend on the most glamourous of Brigitte Bardot’s ex-husbands. Gunther Sachs, the dashing playboy who married Brigitte in 1966 after a fairytale courtship, took his life in Gstaad this weekend after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. His legend will live on. Check out Glenys Roberts‘ nostalgic reportage…

The newlyweds, who were impossibly glamorous, were all over each other that night in Hollywood. Brigitte Bardot was wearing the shortest of mini dresses, Gunther Sachs was in his trademark blazer with loafers and no socks.Finally, they went upstairs to consummate their marriage — to the great relief of everyone, including myself, at their wedding reception. We had all feared they might be about to perform on the dining room table such was the sexual chemistry that simmered between them.Perhaps memories of that extraordinary night in 1966 played through Sachs’s mind before he shot himself at the weekend at the age of 78.

via Gunther Sachs dies: Brigitte Bardot’s ex-husband shoots himself | Mail Online.

Carla Bruni not attending Cannes?

Woody Allen’s latest, “Midnight In Paris,” is about to open the Cannes Film Festival, and while most of the film’s stars are expected to be present for the world premiere, at least one has bowed out of the festivities for mysterious reasons.

Carla Bruni, wife of French president Nicholas Sarkozy, has “cancelled plans to appear on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival amid rumours she is pregnant with twins,” the Mirror is reporting.

Allen’s “Paris” marks Bruni’s acting debut, though she made her name as a supermodel before marrying Sarkozy. As the Mirror notes, Bruni “had been expected to draw huge crowds at the event.” Instead, the press will have to settle for Marion Cotillard, Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams.

via Carla Bruni Woody Allen Marion Cotillard Owen Wilson Cannes | HollywoodNews.com.

By Sean O’Connell

Tara Reid: ‘la Classe totale’ à Courchevel

TARA Reid is back to her partying ways in the French ski resort of Courchevel. The actress, best known for playing Vicky Lathum in 1999 film American Pie and having a botched breast implants, knocked back the French champagne Cristal with a group of friends at restaurant La Mangeoire before treating them to a version of The Eagles’ Hotel California, the New York Post reported.

via Tara Reid sings and jumps into a coffin at French ski resort | The Daily Telegraph.

‘Survive 2012 Armageddon’ with Petite B in France

 

 

Bugarach, population 189, is a peaceful farming village in the Aude region, southwestern France and sits at the foot of the Pic de Bugarach, the highest mountain in the Corbières wine-growing area.

But in the past few months, the quiet village has been inundated by groups of esoteric outsiders who believe the peak is an “alien garage”.

According to them, extraterrestrials are quietly waiting in a massive cavity beneath the rock for the world to end, at which point they will leave, taking, it is hoped, a lucky few humans with them.

Most believe Armageddon will take place on December 21, 2012, the end date of the ancient Maya calendar, at which point they predict human civilisation will come to an end. Another favourite date mentioned is 12, December, 2012. They see Bugarach as one of perhaps several “sacred mountains” sheltered from the cataclysm.

via French village which will ‘survive 2012 Armageddon’ plagued by visitors – Telegraph.

Tom Ford disses Paris

He was once the eternal crush of Petite Brigitte. NO LONGER!

Tom Ford, former Gucci designer-turned-independant fashion tycoon, lashed out on the Paris fashion world during London’s fashion week. According to Susie Rushton of the British newspaper, The Independant, TF gave this statement:

“Quite honestly in terms of French culture, if you think about what the French are producing in terms of fashion or architects or painters or musicians, they are quite far behind what the British are producing, and yet when you think of fashion, you think of Paris,” said Ford, who was in the capital to judge the Fashion Fringe award held in Covent Garden, central London.

Ford described Paris fashion week, which is home to the likes of Christian Dior, Chanel and Louis Vuitton as “a global showcase – but it isn’t necessarily where talent is coming from. When you think of Paris you think of Karl Lagerfeld who is not French, and you think of Marc Jacobs who’s not French and Stefano Pilati who’s Italian.”

Well Tom, looks like you missed the mark this time. Paris fashion week isn’t about the nationality, it is about the place and the aspiration. And in PetiteB’s opinion, the great talent is still here, even if Anna Wintour chose London fashion week over Paris this year! So stick to your overpowering perfume line and pornographic photo campaign (see tomford.com) and stop being bitter to the hand that fed you for so long. You might know how to create a perfume that smells like cocaine, but your philosophizing should stop there!

photo courtesy gatorrgirl.wordpress.com

Ghetto Chic @ Plaza Athenée

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On a velib’ outing this afternoon along Avenue Montaigne, PetiteBrigitte’s fragile Parisian sensibilities were shattered by what looked like the Dubai version of Pimp My Ride outside the Plaza Athenée.

Front and center was the elusive Bugatti Veyron 16.4 (above). Currently the fastest, most powerful, and most expensive street-legal car in the world, it is currently in the hands of a rather large Arab man, who paid no less than 1.2 million USD for this ostentatious ride.

While the hotel seemed to welcome the Bugatti, it parked the electric blue Maybach and the magenta Mercedes S-Class as far to the side as possible. Hideous!!

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The Credit Card Countess: how you can become a noble

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Put not your trust in princes!

Stop looking for Prince Charming when you can become a Princess in under a week. Buying a royal title has never been easier, or more desperate. It is a sad commentary on our society that websites now sell titles to the socially impaired, promising things such as (and I quote, from regaltitles.com):

  • Increased respect from the people you know
  • VIP treatment
  • Access to the privileged world
  • A instant talking point with your friends
  • Prestige in the financial world
  • A boost to your personal confidence
  • Opportunities that otherwise would’ve passed you by
  • Opened doors in your career
  • Discounts in the consumer world
  • The ability to influence people effortlessly

Of course, it is hard to believe that having a purchased title would garner this kind of treatment from anyone except the most naive commoner. But amazingly, PetiteBrigitte has witnessed fake princes dining with the real ones (in Monaco, of course), and bedding women right and left without as much as a chateau to back up his bloodline!

Check out regaltitles.com for the most hilariously desperate site in all of Christendom. After explaining the process of acquiring a title, the costs involved (around $400), and how to get the title legally inserted into your official documents, the site backs up its motives with arguments like:

“It’s frightening how people in the twenty-first century still perceive a person with a title to be richer, more intelligent and better thought of, than the average Mr. Joe Bloggs. But people do – and you can take advantage of it.”

Dear Lord. Buy your title today, and receive the free book, “Getting Started with your Title.” You can have your choice between:

  • a Lord or Lady
  • a Baron or Baroness
  • a Count or Countess
  • a Marquis or Marchioness
  • a Duke or Duchess
  • a Viscount or Viscountess
  • a Earl or Sir

I’m sure Prince von Hannover will never notice!

Up close & personal with MERDE.

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PetiteBrigitte’s fragile sensibilities are being accosted daily by la merde. The French still have this 18th century tolerance for dirtiness that contradicts their current civility.

Second to their love for each other, the French love their dogs. There are currently 250,000 dogs living in Paris (dominant pedigree being the poodle, bien sur), and they generate 25 tons of poop a day, less than half of which is cleaned up off of our streets. Do the math and this means the chances of you stepping in poop on your walk to work are abnormally high. In fact, around 700 people are hospitalized each year in Paris, for slipping on the poopie.

The city has tried to clean-up. But 4000 sidewalk sweepers, 200 excrement vacuums , and 70 motorcycle poop patrols have barely made a dent in the merde. Dog owners profess helplessness at cleaning up after their dogs, but citizens are having none of it. Recently, they came out to do what the French do best: demonstrate.

As Thomas Gale reports:

Sophie and her golden lab, Mellis, made the mistake of strolling down a quiet pedestrian alley just as an anti-dog-poop demonstration was at its height. The demonstrators drew chalk circles around the piles, sang anti-doggie ditties, and repelled dog owners by offering them chocolate versions of what their pets had planned to leave.

Sophie and Mellis were quickly mobbed. “Not everyone in Paris is dirty,” Sophie pleaded. “It’s difficult for Mellis to go between two cars. We need some place especially for dogs.”

French architect, M. Bertin, found a solution by designing the first public pooch restroom, and proposed it to Paris authorities.

The design is as follows: each “wawa”, as he called the design, will consist of an open space—tastefully landscaped with flowers and hedges—that will serve as the designated doo-doo area. The wawa itself will be constructed with a new “canine concrete” that prevents sticking while retaining the scent (effectively marking the spot for the dogs).

Once the dog has had it’s private moment, the dog’s owner will be able to activate the flusher, which will use jet sprays of water to clear the site.

Each wawa will cost about $28,000 USD, and it is estimated that the city will need more than 2000 units, for a citywide total of about $66,000,000 USD.

Needless to say, Bertin’s brilliant proposal was denied. Dommage for us, and doo-doo encore for the doggies. Someone must save France from the merde.

Perhaps David Mamet, writer extraordinaire, has the solution. He is currently in production of a film entitled Joan of Bark: The Dog that Saved France. Will Joan of Bark lead us to victory?

woof.

Clarins: Protecting you from cell phones!

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Let me get this straight.

The French cannot manage to recycle, solve high unemployment, or refrigerate their milk. But they can develop a spray that protects you from electromagnetic radiation emitted from cell phones?? I love it!

French skincare company, Clarins Paris, just released a spray designed to repel the radiation given off by your cell phone and laptop.

The spray is made up of microorganisms found on plants near undersea volcanoes. The logic seems to be that the microorganisms have developed ways to protect the plants from the harmful radiation put out by the undersea volcanoes.

While the FDA says no study has definitively drawn a connection between cancer and cell phone use, the agency points out there haven’t been any studies to rule one out either.

Some doctors, such as Dr. Kenneth Black, head of Neurosurgery at Cedars Sinai in LA (i.e. drama queen), have gone as far to say, “We know that people that use cell phones a lot also complain of headaches, difficulty with concentration, with memory. You know, this is a microwave antenna, so you’re essentially cooking the brain when you hold the receiver right next to your brain.”

Debate heated up when prominent US dreamteam attorney, Johnny Cochran, died of a brain tumor. He was never seen outside the courtroom without a cell phone pressed to his ear.

PetiteBrigitte’s verdict: I believe cell phones will be the cigarettes of the 21st century. My lengthy scientific research leads me to conclude that there is a correlation between excessive cell phone use and cancer, and the Nokia’s of this world are paying big bucks for you to stay in the dark. When the info comes out though, just as in ciggies, you won’t stop using your phone. Meanwhile, hold off on the Clarins spray— it’s ahead of its time, probably doesn’t work, and besides… ignorance is bliss!

It’s happening: Lavinia trumps your corner store

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Slowly but surely the very fabric of french culture is being torn to shreds by American size stores.

Case in point: LAVINIA.

This massive 3-level store by the Madeleine is the Walmart of wine shops. They are bringing in a huge selection from around the world, offering better prices and promotions, and dazzling customers with the low level lighting and climate controls. Don’t get me wrong: this is a great store, and in America we would go nuts for it. They even deliver to your doorstep via online ordering.

But what consequences will Lavinia have for my adorable corner wine store? Will they move one step closer to closing their doors forever? Is this the beginning of the walmartization of France? On verra mes francophiles, petit a petit ca commence.

For once we cannot blame America. Lavinia is a Spanish chain that opened its first two stores in Spain, and now this third one in Paris.

Check out the threat to your neighborhood mum-and-pop stores at http://www.lavinia.fr

Let Paris keep puffing

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Call me old-fashioned, but one of the things I love about Paris is the general nonchalance of the average citizen. Glass of wine for breakfast? Pourquoi pas. Public displays of affection? Bien sur. Take your dog into Dior? OK.

Not anymore. Paris is banning cigarettes indoors, and this time they mean it.

Thats right Hemingway, Fitzgerald, deBeauvoir, Sartre!! Go outside if you want to smoke! No more writing your masterpieces in our cafes!

I am all for banning smoking in the workplace, hospitals, schools, institutions, etc. But taking the Gauloises out of Deux Magots and Lilas is as unFrench as baseball. Smoking in cafes is a national pastime, like wine with dinner. When I see a french woman smoking, I think elegance and cool. When I see an old man enjoying a cigarette after his meal, I want to take a picture. Smoking is part of the national identity, let them stop on their own, and let us watch until they do!

Does it bother you that much?