Dear Madame Bardot,
I have some happy news to report.
As you are well aware, for many decades you have suffered from a bit of a PR nightmare. For a long time, your fellow frenchies thought you were a bit off your rocker. Posing with seals was cute and all, but they really couldn’t handle the ‘unpatriotic’books, the passionate attack speeches, and your marriage to LePen’s buddy.
Of course, I never shared their sentiments. Upon arriving in France, I was disgusted to see posters of Marilyn Monroe lining the stalls of the bouquinistes—instead of you. What did Marilyn ever do for France? Adding insult to injury, I went to 3 video stores looking for Et Dieu Crea La Femme (your first and best), only to find that they didn’t carry a single film of yours! Even at BHV!
I asked myself: has France abandoned its most famous star? Quel horreur. The woman who brought billions in tourism to the Riviera, the face of the nation, the star of the world’s first music video… c’est pas vrai! If anything, they owe you an apology for years of torment from stalkers, paparazzi, and poor behavior! Like the jealous women that would spit at you on the street. You poor thing– the police couldn’t even manage the crowds to get you to the hospital to give birth!
The good news is that public sentiment is finally turning around. After several conversations this week, with the bouquinistes, taxi drivers, and some antique dealers, I feel reassured that the French ultimately love you and feel your persona has been misinterpreted these past few decades. Paranoid you still may be, but crazy you are not. In fact, you have become extremely cool within the fashion crowd, and your CD was playing at Shakespeare & Co. this weekend. Who knows, you could turn up in Colette soon. (You-know-who would be proud of that!)
So, aside from being the bearer of good news, I would like to invite you to come out of your St. Trop hideaway and join me in Paris for tea at a quiet café where I can do a friendly interview. I want to remind France, and the world, what a contribution you have made to so many genres: film, fashion, music, tourism, activism, and the sexual revolution. And since I know you wouldn’t have fun in Paris without making some attack at fur wearers, I propose we egg someone high profile, like Carine Roitfeld.
As compensation for the interview, I just found an original copy of your first Elle cover, when you were 16. If you sign it for me, I’ll auction it off and give the proceeds to the Brigitte Bardot Foundation!
Cordialement,
Petite Brigitte
